I can't leave well enough alone
I have this problem: I like change.
I like change so much that I rarely let things stay the same. I want to modify, improve, alter, abandon and start fresh, upgrade, and rearrange. I do this with furniture, bicycles, guitars, my personality, my relationships, my career, my education. In many cases it helps and improves life (my wife and have the best relationship of any I know; my bike is perfect for my needs; my couch is positioned perfectly for optimal television viewing and guest conversations). There are some cases, however, where this habit of mine doesn't improve but it confuses or altogether diminishes the object or idea of manipulation (I've had amazing guitars and now I don't; studied Psych @ University and now have a hard time finding a career I love).
Insect Surgery
This personality quirk, eccentricity, annoyance, habbit, flaw... this thing is like insects performing surgery on eachother. It's well-intentioned but ultimately irrellevant. The life span of the insect is short and the surgery itself will kill the insect; there is no recovering. It's micromanagement in quinitscence. I admire people who have a well-defined path and contentedly move along that path with measured success.
I can't get no satisafaction?
It's not that I'm dissatisfied in life. It's quite the opposite. Life is good and I'm generally pretty happy. (I think I get my eternal optimism from my mother.) The problem is that my optimism paints everything with broad strokes of opportunity. I see good things with the potential for greatness and great things with the potential for amazingness (case-in-point: the word amazing has the potential to be used in other ways and to make friends with new suffixes, so if amazingness is not really a word then I just made it a word with my optimism).
ADD?
I like change partly becasue I get bored easily. I like constant stimulation, not video games and loud music per-se, but my mind and body need to be engaged... a lot... all the time. I don't believe I have a deficit of attention but rather require many stimuli to be engaged. And when those stimuli fail to engage, then I must create new stimuli to get the job done. Now, I can be distracted with changing a light bulb on the way to doing the laundry and then set the oven the biscuits I'm going to make and pick up some toys and put them away in the meantime, check facebook, and answer an email about a bike part I'm trying to sell (constant bike tinkering is a symptom). Amazingly ( maybe just to me) I generally get all of those things done. I forget, from time to time, about some things on the list but the tinkering continues.
To the point
I am happy. I am happy with how things are and happy to change them too. Most aspects of life are good to great. I like to put a little polish on good and iron some of the wrinkles out of great. Does this make me crazy?
Your turn
A blog is great when it engages. So in light of this post about messin' wit' stuff I'd like to mess with blogging. Reader, can you relate? Do you make yourself or others with your idiosyncrasies?
Do tell...
I know I have mentioned to you previously that I have that same envy for people who have an obvious talent, or and obvious skill that drives them down an obvious life path. I am envious of those situations primarily for two reasons. First, people in those situations generally have a very distinctive life path due to being one of the best at whatever they are doing. For people such as myself who are dabblers and generalists, the question of choices comes up. That is my second thought. I would, I think, find a life with fewer choices of great gravity a lot simpler. This is, of course, pure conjecture, and in all likelihood a 'grass is always greener' situation, but its the view from where I sit. If I could magically strengthen one personality trait, the ability to focus like a laser on a task would be near the top of the list. Perhaps in developing that kind of ability to focus, the problems that I feel like most of us face in making seemingly mundane choices each day would cease to be a problem, since in my laser-beam mental state I could knock out task after task with great efficiency and efficacy. At that point, I would rather be the guy who has innumerable options and choices, and to be the guy who makes a choice and nails it to the wall before moving on the next option. This idea is why I dream about how to obtain an adderall prescription ...
ReplyDeleteI'm enjoying the blog, and think you should post more things to think about.
I know that Mom thinks you have ADD. Mom, of course, thinks pretty much everyone has ADD.
ReplyDeleteIn the interest of staying topical, I should mention that I can't relate to the constant need for change. I'm very resistant to change in part because the change in my life has very nearly all been detrimental or traumatic. I cling to the mundane and the routine. I've always found comfort in dull, repetitive tasks, which is why I make such a good librarian. Books in, books out. The weeks fly by with nothing to distinguish one from the other. It's not such a bad life.
I suppose that clinging to ruts is an idiosyncrasy of its own. But I think my biggest quirk is that, in the words of Santigold, I "don't play no game that I can't win." If I'm not going to be the best at something, if I'm not going to do it well, I won't do it, even when politeness or society dictates that I should. I find that I naturally gravitate to things that I have a knack for, which has helped because I'm also pretty lazy - the things I do well I haven't had to work terribly hard for. But part of being a grown-up is doing things you don't want to do, and I'm terrible at a lot of them, and it's been hard for me to adjust to. I feel very vulnerable when I'm average at something.
What I can relate to is the need to make little adjustments constantly, although in my case it's driven by realism and in some cases pessimism rather than optimism. I'm always convinced that I am a few tweaks away from whatever I'm after. I think, I'll be thin enough five pounds from now. I'll be successful if I take on one more task at work. I'll be strong enough if I can manage ten more reps. I'll be happy if I can just go on one date.
I wish I could approach change from the mindset that I'm going from good to better. But it always ends up feeling like my goal is to go from adequate to good. It's an uphill battle. But I am very good at it :)
Well now there then. I reckon that'll learn you to ask for deep thoughts from blog readers.
I'm just opposite in a way. Change sometimes freaks me out. It takes me a long time to be ok with a change. I have to think it through analyze and see the pros and cons. Yet I do like to be spontaneous as well or used to be but I find that since being in my current job/family situation where there is no room for spontanaity my fear of change has increased. I thinking just at a point in my life where everything seems stale. I'm done with the fun classes in school now trudging through advanced classes (all online), I'm in the house almost 24/7 due to my caregiving responsibilities and I think I'm bordering on agoraphobia. If it weren't for my YW's calling and church I could possibly be stuck in the house for weeks at a time. This is not good I realize, and have made up my mind to find ways to get out more and do more.
ReplyDeleteI am like you in many ways Chris which is probably why we were friends in school. :) I love to change things up in my house and am constantly seeking ways to improve my quality of life. Now if only I could always get my husband to be on board... Ha ha! I guess next on my life-improvement to-do list is to learn how to use power tools. :)
ReplyDelete